A Gentle Unfolding

My Musings Today

Yesterday was the day that marked twenty-three months since Mr. Van left us to enter heaven.

I mentioned in my last post, The LORD is My Pacesetter, that it has been a tough few weeks as a fresh wave of deeper grief arrived to visit again. There are a few reasons why but my take-away is that God is still kind and so faithful to see my tears, to hear my cries to Him, and to carry me through each hard day.

I don’t share this with you because I am full of self-pity or martyrdom.

I do share this to say that if you, too, are in a season of grief for any reason (and there are many reasons right now to be grieving) our God is waiting for all of us to just turn to Him and tell Him all about it.

This week a sweet memory came up on Facebook of Mr. Van in “Bob, the Bobcat” (we tend to name our equipment in our family) and Grandson #6 who was about twenty-one months at the time. He is now nine years old. Grandpa was giving him a ride because he was so enthralled with “Bob”. Part of the sweetness was in the fact that Mr. Van’s voice was recorded in the video. Here they are in the back yard “working”.

Those Facebook memories can do me in…

I think that one of the hardest parts of grieving the loss of someone dear to us is the processing of how to go on living life when they are absent. I cannot argue with God about His whisking Mr. Van away all those months ago. And…

  • I do believe that our days are numbered and his were up. He was not well even though God chose not to let us know about that ahead of time. Psalm 90:12 tells us that we are to ask God to teach us to number our days so that we can gain a heart of wisdom.
  • I do believe that God knows “who” and “what” I need to live out the days He still has planned for me. This concept has been a hard place to come to as I have processed how to live well without my husband and best friend. 2 Peter 1:3 says that God’s divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our calling to know Him, not just about Him. This applies to every life situation, every life stage.
  • I do believe that I have a lot of processing to do re what my future could look like. Working through all of this is difficult. Mr. Van and I lived together through forty-six years of marriage and our desire was, as it says in Acts 17:24-28, to find the places where we belong that God has created and prepared for us to live and move and have our being. His place is now in heaven! Mine is still here on earth.

As I have now been considering all of this for a few months, God has brought some direction and clarity. He has used several encouraging ways to bring me back full circle “to stay in the day” and “to just do the next right thing”, but also to be able to take a deep breath and begin to look ahead.

MY ONE WORD

For the past several years God has been showing me where I need to focus for the next while by pointing out a word or a phrase repeatedly that seems to direct to the next right thing. This word might show up in my Bible or book reading. It could be sung over and over in a song. Or it could come out of a sermon, a blog post, or a podcast I heard.

I am going to share my “One-Word Journey” with you in some future posts, but today I want to give you a glimpse into this year’s word which is “Unfolding.”

I have been asking God to continue to gently unfold my moments and my days one at a time.” He has been faithful to do that for me by:

  • Giving me Scripture to memorize and cling to–

Psalm 119:130, The unfolding of Your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.

Proverbs 31:25,26, Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the days to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

2 Chronicles 20:12b, We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.

  • Giving me a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called “Glorious Unfolding”.

Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart ‘cause I know this is not anything like you thought the story of your life was gonna be… There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold…”

  • Giving me courage to practice “surrender and trust” as He unfolds each day, teaching me again to begin to laugh at the days to come.

To live a life of widowhood with excellence.

To begin to thrive instead of just survive.

To continue to prepare for Phase 2 of my eternal life (more about that to come as well).

These past few weeks have shown me again that I must choose to let God direct my steps into each day as there are still many difficult ones. Everyone grieves at their own pace and that is as it should be.

Your Musings Today

There seems to be a lot of grief, sadness, and pain surrounding us all at this time.

As I mentioned above, you may be someone who is struggling in a season of grief for many reasons.

May I invite you:

  • To consider who or what is your source of comfort? As you consider your faith and God as your Audience of One, please know that He loves you, He waits for you to come to Him to supply all your needs, and He longs to give you that comfort and direction to cope with all that life offers you right now.
  • To check out @mollclarissa on Instagram if you are in a season of losing someone close to you. She is a wise woman who has such good insight into grief and loss.
  • To ask God for a One Word or phrase to help you to focus more clearly on your next steps. No matter what age or stage of life we are encountering presently, He has wisdom and direction for us in our own unique journey.

Again, be encouraged as you ponder:

  • On next beginnings.
  • On embracing your own life fully and intentionally.
  • On living out that life with the strength and dignity that can only come from your Audience of One.

We would love to have you walk that journey with us as we all learn together!

Love to you today,

Colleen

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That Knock On Our Door…

MY MUSINGS TODAY:

Sadness and Mourning…

These past six weeks have been a time of sadness and mourning for our family as we continue to adjust to the loss of Mr. Van, our dear husband, father, grandfather and soon-to-be great-grandfather.

Many of you have known about this since shortly after Mr. Van walked into heaven on November 22.

I have struggled with how to pick up the blog again after an eight week break, and yet I feel that God is calling me to serve you by sharing what He is doing in my life as I walk this road.

The last time I wrote a blog post was on November 2. In that post I mentioned that Mr. Van had not been feeling well. What a shock it was to find out, three or so weeks later, that he died from a heart attack, a condition he or no one else knew about… God had prepared me that something was wrong, but I had no idea what it might be. We had just begun to seek medical help to see what might be happening.

However, as I have said to many of you, God took him while he was doing the work he loved. He was doing it for his children whom he loved. And he really did not want to retire, and now he does not have to…

So, today, on this fifth day of the New Year, 2020, we pick up the Musings of Mrs. Van.

I am heartbroken and am missing my best friend so much. It was fifty years this past August when he kindly gave me his wood stump to sit on at a Youth Group Corn Roast. A month later he asked me out for a coke. He was seventeen and I was fifteen. Four years later we were married. He was twenty-one and I celebrated my nineteenth birthday on that same day, a day that will be bittersweet from now on…

He was sixty-seven the day he went to heaven and I am sixty-five. We have been married for forty-six years. This means that he has been part of my life every day for the past fifty years. I don’t really know how to do life without him, but I know that God is going to teach me as I “stay in the day” and as I do the next right thing in love.

That Knock on Our Door…

The news came to me through a knock on my front door at 2 PM on November 22, 2019. One of our dear daughters-in-law was sent to tell me that Mr. Van was gone.

Mr. Van was going about his ordinary, every-day life, just doing what he always did… And in the middle of it all, God took him. Wow!! It’s actually quite amazing to think that he was stepping down off the ladder of his scaffolding and suddenly was in heaven with Jesus. Romans 12:1,2 in the Message says,

Romans 12:1.2

He lived a very intentional life, focused on the calling God gave him to be a Carpenter who did his work with excellence. There is proof of that work all around our northern Alberta community, built over the span of forty years.

Come and Join Us…

God has also taught me, over my lifetime, about how important it is to live with intention—and so that brings us back to the purpose of this blog.

  • To help you, if you desire, to learn how to live with more intention, full of joy no matter what, when, why or how.
  • To help you to learn how to live with eternal significance in mind.

God has asked me to vulnerably share my experience with all of you.

So, if you are interested in walking along as I figure out these next steps, and as I keep on applying what God has been teaching me, I’d love to have you join us on the journey.

Thanks for walking with us… A blessed 2020 to you and to your family.

Colleen

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