Rebuilding My Grieving Life

My Musings

Yesterday marked thirty months (two and one-half years) since Mr Van left us for heaven. That’s over 900 days which is almost unbelievable to me…

I decided to have a quiet day which began by attending our online church service. It is always a comfort when I need a day of privacy.

  • I see more glimpses of having the capacity to look ahead a bit, and yet needing to still stay in the day and just do the next thing.
  • I see fewer days of continuous tears, and yet still get surprised by grief when I least expect it.
  • I see some desire to have a more public life than I have for these past two-plus years, and yet I know that I need quiet days as well in order to pace myself.

I have almost always had a lot of projects on the go, but I am missing my person who gave me so much encouragement and perspective in them.

  • It has been a busy almost five weeks taking my suite apart, having air conditioning installed, cleaning afterwards (drywall dust, etc.), and then putting the condo back together. Not quite done but getting there. I actually feel like I moved.
  • I just bought the flowers for my balcony and am looking forward to tending to them.
  • I am beginning to work on rebuilding a rhythm into my life.

Spring weather has finally arrived in northern Alberta and it is amazing! Waking up to sunshine and blue skies is the best!

  • I am so thankful for all the beauty that surrounds us if we take the time to notice.
  • I am so thankful for family and good friends.
  • I am so thankful for my Audience of One who loves me, encourages me, and also gives me perspective from day to day.
Your Musings

I don’t know what you are facing this week. It seems that everyone has something difficult going on in their life right now but I pray that you know Who to go to as you face those hard things.

  • Look for the beauty.
  • Treasure your people.
  • Give God the glory for all that He provides for you as you follow His leading. He’s just waiting for you to come to Him!

Have a great week! Love, Colleen

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“To Cry For You…”

Happy first day of Spring 2022…


Two years ago today, in March 2020, our family chose to go into isolation as the beginning of the effects of the pandemic became better known. We spent the evening on March 18/20 together in memory of Mr. Van’s birthday. He would have been 68 and this was about seventeen weeks after he passed away.

I had no idea at that time that I would spend the next six weeks in my house alone. Our dear kids would bring me groceries and meds and take care of any other needs but I would not see everyone together again until May. I missed being in person for the next two months of our youngest grandson’s life and didn’t even meet our first little great-grandson until he was about four weeks old.


All these memories led to some hard days this past week.

  • We lost our first cousin to cancer—she was 65.
  • I am working at completing the final closure for our business—it seems there are just so many details and steps that it often becomes overwhelming.

And then this past Friday would have been Mr. Van’s 70th birthday…

  • We usually make a “fuss” over birthdays in our family as we treasure every day we have with those we love. Every memory in my Facebook feed that morning was full of Mr. Van’s birthdays in recent years. I am so thankful we celebrated him over and over and have photos to prove it.


The song that came to my mind that morning was “To Cry For You” by Carolyn Arends.

  • It is my honour to cry for him…
  • It is my honour to cry out to my Audience of One for everything I need to do life without him.
  • Psalm 27:4,5, ESV, “One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.”

“I guess grief is the work that love must do. So it is my honour to cry for you…”

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