Reframing Wisely…

In her book, Pursue the Intentional Life, Jean Fleming wrote a chapter called “Wise Reframing: Keeping My Core in Life’s Transitions.” According to my Merriam-Webster dictionary, to reframe is

“to frame (something) again and often in a different way to be open to the view: to reveal.”

Jean Fleming, Pursue the Intentional Life

Jean has a lot of wisdom to share with us in this book—it is one of the first ones we read and discuss briefly in our course for women, Heart2Heart, Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity. We will look at it in more detail in the days to come. For now I wanted to briefly focus on some of her thoughts in this chapter that have really resonated with me as I consider the recent changes in my life into widowhood and so into my future places. Perhaps you have some questions about your future days as well as we transition back to whatever “normal” life might look like at this time.

Again, I don’t know where you are coming from as you read this post:

  • You may believe in God as your Audience of One, sovereign and so in charge of every detail of your life. You are growing to know Him personally and you believe that His words to us in the Bible are true and worth hearing and following. You also believe that God’s Big Story of the history of the universe includes your part in that story.
  • Or you may have heard of the Bible and something about God but you don’t really understand why it is so important and what difference it would make in your life to know and follow Him.
  • Or you may have never been exposed to any teaching about God and sometimes, as you lay your head on the pillow at night, you wonder what it’s all about and what’s ahead of us.

Our Core

So what does it mean to keep our “core”, in the midst of all that life brings our way everyday? Our core is the inmost and most intimate part of ourself, and it needs to be focused and stable no matter what, when, where, why, or how. We will all live through many stages of life, and we will experience both joy and sorrow, courage and fear, good and evil, highs and lows, and much else in each one. There is always something new to learn on a journey of reframing/intentionality.

Isaiah 26:3 from the Bible says,

“Reframing means keeping what is important but wisely reconfiguring as necessary.”

At some point in our life we need to come to an initial place of choosing what is most important to us and then living according to what we decide. I believe that God has a plan for my life and for your life that He made before He even created us.

Psalm 139 is a wonderful chapter in the Book of Psalms in the Bible that tells us how God planned our days.

Verse 16 says:

Our Perspective

I have been in a place of reframing my whole life as I begin to consider what my future is going to look like. Over these next weeks I would like to walk with you through some areas of life that give us a framework to consider what needs to change, to evolve, and to grow us into the person God intends for us to be.

We are going to consider all of this from the perspective of what it could look like:

  • TO PONDER about what is an intentional life.
  • TO PREPARE to live an intentional life.
  • TO PRACTICE living an intentional life.
  • TO PRODUCE a life that is faithful and fruitful, God-honoring and people-loving for all our days.

My Musings This Week

One way that I have had to “reframe” my life—to reconfigure out of necessity—is in my gardening techniques. Jean talks about how we need to adjust in different life stages to how we do the things we love in smaller and simpler ways, instead of giving them up totally. We pull in the boundaries where God directs because it is not our passion that has diminished, but our strength.

Our former home which was sold last summer (more about the reframing of it soon) was situated on a half-acre of land. I moved to a condo which is just the right size but now my gardening area is reduced to a balcony. I love my flowers. They bring joy to my heart. I have many photos of my flowers over the years so I can still enjoy those but I also decided that I was going to continue to have a space to enjoy them now if I could figure out a system. So this is what my flower garden looks like this year…

Another aspect of wisely reframing Jean discusses is to live in reality. We have to accept the fact that life expands and contracts, and so some things and some persons we love may be stripped from us.

Tonight we are going to celebrate Grandson #7’s fourth birthday and Grandpa Van will not be there. All our grandchildren bring so much joy to our family, and they all loved Grandpa a lot as he did them. We will miss having him there to celebrate with us, but we know that he is in a safe and healthy place and that brings us comfort. He would want us to celebrate all the milestones just like we always have, and so we will…

Next week we will celebrate Grandson #4’s Graduation from high school! So much to be thankful for…

Your Musings This Week

To BEGIN is to set in motion…

  • PONDER WHAT IS TRUE in your life that is or needs reframing? Obtain a journal or a notebook where you can write your observations down. Begin a list.
  • PREPARE one thing you can do to begin that process. Ask God to show you what a next step could be. Maybe outline three steps, if appropriate, to begin to put that reframing in motion. Write them down.
  • PRACTICETo choose to reframe something in your life is to take a step towards being more intentional. What does the first of those three steps require? Perhaps seeking God’s wisdom about what He wants for you is the first step?
  • How do you find out?
  • Seek His wisdom by reading His words to you in the Bible. So let’s look at the Book of Psalms (open your Bible to the middle and Psalms should be nearby) and read Psalm One this week. Blessed is the man who… If you don’t have a physical Bible, perhaps download the YouVersion Bible app and read on your device. As you read, look for what the words tell you about Who God is. A great first step in wise reframing.
  • PRODUCE-What is God saying will happen in your life if you are a blessed person? Write it down and then re-read Psalm One every day this week to reinforce what God is saying to you. Take your time and let it all simmer, right down into your heart, your soul, your mind and your strength.

Blessings on you this week—enjoy your walk…

Want to come and join us? We’d love to have you. You can sign up to receive Mrs Vans Musings in your inbox. Just click on the Email Request button below. We promise to honor your privacy.

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When the Music Stops…

My Musings Today:

I have been on the shelf. Again.

I mentioned to a dear friend not too long ago that I suddenly realized that God had, once again, placed me on the shelf. Sometimes over the years, when life has just become too hard or I was at the end of myself, God has put me in His safe place as a shelter from the present storm.

This time has been six months of mostly quiet.

  • A place to ponder this next stage of life.
  • A place to consider how it is even possible to live this widowlife with excellence and intentionality.

Many tears, much prayer, and an abundance of studying and learning have brought me to this day. The current pandemic has actually worked to my personal benefit in providing that place for me.

In case you are new around here, welcome! We are walking together to discover what intentionality looks like no matter what age, stage of life, or circumstances we find ourselves living out. Just to help you catch up this is my first blog post on Mrs Vans Musings since May, 2020.

  • Our family suffered a great loss in November 2019 and I wrote about that in these two posts if you would like to know the back story to today.

I have been debating, again, how to connect life before Mr. Van went to heaven and these next years. As I have said before, this is not a new life, but it is the NEXT stage in my own journey towards eternal life in heaven with Jesus.

The years have come and gone since I first sang Your song and oh how sweet the melody was then. But now I find myself silent on the shelf wondering why the music had to die. Lord, tell me why it had to end.

When the Music Stops, Parschauer Sisters, 1984

God brought this song to mind this morning and that led to memories of the first time I realized that He had put me on the shelf. I had recently made a very public re-commitment to love and follow this God I believe in with all my heart, soul, mind and strength forever. I would have been thirty-four years old at this time.

  • I attended a Ladies Retreat with some dear friends. There was a concert by The Parschauer Sisters, and they sang this song, “When the Music Stops”.
  • I had been in a season of health issues and had just had another surgery six weeks before this retreat. I was tired of needles and hospitals and being so weary all the time. I seemed to just recover and then something else would happen. My life seemed to be in a holding pattern of sickness and quietness.
  • As the trio sang these words, it was as if God said to me, “It’s ok. I’ll always be close by. I’ll hold you fast to Myself. I’ll show you the next step.” And He has. And He is. And He will.

“Teach me, Lord, to wait. I know You’re never late. For You are always keeping perfect time. And though I cannot see why or what will be, I will trust in You until Your song is through. Lord, help me rest in Your design.”

When the Music Stops, Parschauer Sisters, 1984

Recently I was asked to share with our church family why I believe Jesus is My Coming King. I stated that I cannot argue with God about the timing of Mr. Van’s death as I do believe, as it tells me in Psalm 90:12 in the Bible that our days are numbered. Mr. Van’s time on earth was complete. But mine is not. And my unfinished task is to live out the journey God has for me until He calls me home to heaven.

Does that mean that acceptance comes easily? Not at all.

Does that mean I don’t miss Mr. Van like crazy? Not at all.

Does that mean I am not fearful sometimes about growing older alone? Not at all.

BUT…

God is faithful. He asked me, shortly after Mr. Van passed away, if I was willing to be open and vulnerable about my grief and loss. To write as I share the journey. To encourage anyone who is willing to read and ponder that it is possible to live a life of intention as we prepare for eternity. We all have a choice every morning as we wake up.

SO…

Your Musings Today:

May I leave you with the words of the chorus to this song that meant just as much to me this morning as I went looking online for the words and the music as it did over thirty years ago?

Perhaps you’d like to walk with us as you face whatever your grief and loss circumstances are right now? See more info below about how to do that…

  • We are entering a renewed time on earth as we see hope in the pandemic ending.
  • We are entering a renewed time of assessing values and priorities and how we spend our time.
  • We are entering a renewed time of relationship where hugs are allowed (oh, my!) and we can host people in our home again…

Not quite yet—but soon. Let’s make the most of the time that God allows us, however that might look for each one of us individually.

I look forward to sharing with you all more of how God has taught me to be intentional.

Blessings on you, my friends! I leave you with these words:

“When the music stops don’t think that it’s the end for I am only giving You a rest.

When the music stops BE STILL AND KNOW my friend that I, the Lord, am doing what is best.”

When The Music Stops, Parschauer Sisters, 1984

Want to come and join us on this walk that will never end? We’d love to have you.

You can sign up to receive Mrs Vans Musings in your inbox. Just click on the Email Request button below. We promise to honor your privacy.

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Why Mrs Vans Musings?

I recently joined a group called Hope*Writers. One of the statements in their manifesto says,

“We build benches, not platforms.”

Hope*writers Manifesto

I love this and so many other things about this writing site.

To “build a bench” is to invite others to come and sit awhile:

  • So that we can get to know each other better.
  • So we can hear each other’s thoughts about what is important to us.
  • So we can share words of hope and encouragement.
  • So each of us can then turn and pass on that hope and encouragement to someone else.

Thoughts. Words. Actions. All so important.

Why MRS VAN?

I had a really hard time deciding what to call this blog. Should I continue to call it “Mrs Van” or should I call it by my full name, Colleen van Nieuwkerk?

Both names apply to me and have for a long time.

My full name is Lola Colleen van Nieuwkerk. “Lola” is my paternal Grandmother’s name. She was “Lola Mae” with roots in Missouri, USA. I always loved being called after her. She passed away several years ago, and I still miss her and her prayer support so much. Sometimes you may see my name as “Lola” even though I have usually gone by “Colleen.” Anything government-related can become tricky when you are called by your second name.

My life as Mrs. Van began in the late 1990’s. I was serving at our summer camp and was asked what my camp name would be. The answer, “Mrs. Van” was my instant response and so began an easy solution to helping all the kids in my “Director of Children’s Ministry” life know what to call me. My husband became known as Mr. Van. We have loved being Mr. and Mrs. Van. Today, even 22 years later, many of the dear folks in our church still call us by those names. And those kids in our ministry, many of whom are now grown up and have children of their own, also still call us Mr. and Mrs. Van.

Part of my struggle in what to name the blog was “Do I need to give up the “Mrs. Van” identity after all these years?” I probably went back and forth about the name over twenty times until one morning last week. I was dreaming about the blog as I woke up and my first thought was “No, I don’t need to give that identity up.” God gave me peace about the decision.

God has kept us in the same church family for almost forty years and we have been so privileged to learn to know and love Him, and to love and serve our people here. For some reason, He didn’t ask us to move on, as ministry staff often do, as their time of ministry ends. He has, instead, allowed me to continue to serve but to carry a lightened load as I grow older. This is amazing to me!

As I consider passing on hope and encouragement to you:

  • I want to walk with you.
  • I want to sit on the bench with you, and visit one-on-one, and
  • I want to also reach out, with you, to others.

And so, again, welcome to Mrs Vans Musings.

Why Mrs Vans MUSINGS?

Anyone who knows me well would say that the meaning of the word “musing” would describe my personality accurately…

Merriam’s Webster Online Dictionary defines the word “musing” as thoughtfully abstracted, MEDITATIVE.

Other synonyms for “musing” include melancholy, contemplative, pensive, and reflective. The dictionary also includes absentminded but I’m not liking that one very much.

Antonyms given are featherbrained, flighty, flippant, frivolous, goofy, harebrained, light-headed, scatterbrained; brainless, mindless, silly, thoughtless, and unthinking. None of those words describe me ever—at least not in my opinion…

My husband would say that I sometimes overthink situations, but also that I often discern truth about those same scenarios.

  • I am definitely not the “life of the party” person, but I do enjoy other people’s kind humor.
  • I am definitely philosophical and analytical.
  • I also enjoy thinking deeply about God and His story…and how I fit into it.

To live life with intention is to muse, to become absorbed in thought and to think about something carefully and thoroughly.

And so, again, welcome to Mrs Vans Musings.

God’s Meaning Of MUSING

God gave the Psalmist, David, in Psalm 19 in the Bible, some words to share that also pertain to musing. Psalm 19:14 says,

I chose this verse to be my Life Verse when I was thirteen years old…

The words, “Be acceptable,” request in this song (psalm) that my “musings”, my words and my thoughts, would be an act of worship before God, like a sacrifice.

MY MUSINGS THIS WEEK…

What have I been musing about this week—what has been my act of worship and sacrifice?

*Family Joy–

  • Mr. Van and I are parents to three sons who are all married with families. We are grandparents to ten grandchildren. Our anticipated Grandchild #11 will arrive in January/20.
  • Thanksgiving weekend was a time of celebration as it was announced publicly that our oldest grandchild and his wife are expecting our first great-grandchild in May/20!
  • This news means that we will have four generations in our personal family. It also means that we will have two babies to love at the same time:) And it also promotes my almost 87 year old Dad to a fifth generation as a Great-Great-Grandpa!

*This next week will be our Federal Government election in Canada.

  • I feel privileged to live in a country where we still have freedom to live openly the life that God has called us to live. However, many things have changed in our culture in the past four years and so we are praying that God will keep our land glorious and free.

*The rhythms of life as I contemplate doing the next right thing over and over every day, and choosing what counts for eternity.

YOUR MUSINGS THIS WEEK…

So, as we together consider entering into this journey with joy and intention, please let me ask you…

  • Are the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart an act of worship before God?
  • Will you begin or continue to “muse” about what God might be saying to you regarding your thoughts and words?
  • Will you share in the comments one way you plan to “muse” well in order to encourage the rest of us?

Thanks for walking with us in this place of Joy and Intention. And so, again, welcome to Mrs Vans Musings.

Love you, Colleen

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Endings and New Beginnings…

Endings…

Where were you nine years ago? What was going on in your life? Does that time have any special significance to where you are today? We all have events in our life that are marked by the day they happened…either with good or hard or sad memories.

Nine years ago I retired from full-time church ministry—a good time in so many ways, and so affirming, but also so hard when considering leaving a ministry I had the privilege to build up over a time period of fourteen years.

I am so thankful for leadership who recognized my gifts and abilities and gave me:

  • Courage to take a risk and step into the unknown.
  • Freedom to soar in creative ways beyond what I could ever have asked God for, or imagined Him allowing for me.
  • Involvement with volunteers who were available to grow and deepen their walk with God as they developed skills and leadership ability. Some of them are now leading in that same ministry today.

And, oh, so much more…

My husband and I have lived in northern Canada since March of 1979…forty years. When we came to this city, I was a young Mom who was tired, disconnected from friendship, and longing to know God more. I am sure that there are many of you who might also identify with similar challenges…perhaps you just:

  • Moved to a new place
  • Decided to begin to attend church or changed churches
  • Got married or had your first child
  • Sent your first child to school or to college
  • Hit empty-nest
  • Lost your husband
  • Began caring for aging parents.
  • Perhaps you are an aging parent…
  • Perhaps you are suffering with a debilitating illness or know someone close to you who is…

Joy and sorrow seem to reside side by side in our lives.

Over ten years ago this past February, Mr. Van and I made the huge decision that I was going to retire from full-time ministry at our church. At that time, I had been on Staff for twenty-two years, twelve years of which I served in the office, and then, with a bit of overlap, fourteen years as the Director of Children’s Ministry. My official retirement happened in June of 2010, about sixteen months later. Our church was in a building program and so a good transition period in between was necessary.

I became a full-time homemaker again…much to my husband’s delight. More homemade meals, clean laundry actually put away, and my presence with a smile, most of the time, greeting him as he came through the door at night. However, tears were also a regular part of my day.

Grief is a natural part of change, no matter what that change is…

Right after I retired, a dear friend came bearing gifts. She knows me really well, and what she brought for me was a bunch of JOY—Bible Verses in this JOY container; a special cup (in which I have often enjoyed my morning coffee), and a magnet for my fridge with this verse,

Her words to me were: “I just want you to ENJOY this time of your life…” Whew!! I really wasn’t enjoying life very much at all at that time. Change was hard!

New Beginnings…

Then, in the spring of 2011, I was asked by our Church Leadership to become the Volunteer Director of Women’s Ministries where I served until December 2012. After almost twenty-six years, I handed in my church keys. That was a much harder thing to do than I had anticipated…and the tears continued to flow.

A few months into my time directing Women’s Ministry, I suffered a heart attack. No one knows for sure what caused it, but certain meds were removed from my regime, and needless to say, times of physical and emotional weakness were again added to my tears.

Whatever our age or stage of life, whatever our circumstances, change and transition are always there to deal with…

We are all on a journey, our spiritual pilgrimage.

On the timeline of history, we are just one little blip, living in this particular period of time, but with the opportunity to impact history forever.

  • Many of us have already chosen to believe and follow God.
  • Some of us are a ways down that road.
  • Others have just begun, or perhaps you are still considering whether to take that first step towards Him.

Joy in that journey…is it easy? Not at all. Worthwhile? Every moment.

Nine years seems like a long time, and yet it has flown by…how thankful I am for God’s presence in my life and His strength to face each day.

How about you? Do you have an experience that happened nine years ago that caused you to draw near or closer to God? If you have freedom to share, please do so in the comments below.

Mrs Vans Musings and more…

Mrs Vans Musings is all about considering the intentional life, pondering on how important it is to be full of joy no matter what, no matter when, no matter why or how. And yet, how does that really translate into a real, beautiful, hard, sometimes ugly life? More about that next time…

I am looking forward to walking with you as we ponder all of this together.

We would love to have you join us on this journey. If you would like to receive Mrs Vans Musings in your inbox, click on the Email Request button below.

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